yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
false alarm. still invincible.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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