He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
