She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
