I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
