Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
