did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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