I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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