I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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