3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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