you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You work out of a Hotel?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
