then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
