I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
