My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
