I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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