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I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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