so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw