Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid