just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
