wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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