Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you never un-have a 4some
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