Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
