I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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