this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
