Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
