I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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