I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize