Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
