you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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