I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
