Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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