$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
