she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
