I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
