He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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