Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize