you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
