how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
