And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
