i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
