I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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