I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
