Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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