I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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