I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
