Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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