I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
