if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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