So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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