just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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