You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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