hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
