Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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