There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
