i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
