whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found puke in my bra..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
