dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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