When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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