His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
