I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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