I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
