please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Randomize
