Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
