it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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