Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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