dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You took a bar mat shot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
