just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?