This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.