finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
