So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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