I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
