I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
