my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
