God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
