cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
