I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
