dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
